WATS UP,

I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A WHILE... LIFE HAS BEEN________ WELL IT'S BEEN LIFE.

WELL NEWHO... I GET REALLY BORED SOMETIMES BECAUSE HALF THE TIME I'VE BUSY...............

OH WELL IM OUT

JESI

Well, im sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been really busy just trying to get my life in order.

THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED THIS NEW YEAR

1. My mom got married to Mick Copping

2. I made a new best friend that i never expected to make, Haley.

3. Got a new house with my dad.

4. Tore a ligement in my middle finger.

5. Went to court and got major community service hours.

6. Found out that my mom is nothing but an immature liar.

7. Mom sold a vehicle after promising to give it to me.

8. My mom left for Maine without telling anyone she was leaving until she was already gone.

9. Lost every last bit of respect for my mom.

10. Found out my ex-best friend is two-faced.

11. Spent almost 3 days bawling, was depressed.

12. Carved my pain into my arm.

13. ENSEMBLE GOT A 1 AT CONTEST!

Life isnt always easy but i know that things are better than they were before even though it doesn't feel like it... since now i can feel pain that i was numbing before. Im not that same person and I hope that i never stoop down to that level ever again.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.

Name: Jesi                                                                                                      

Age: 16

Shoe Size: 5-6

Height: 4'11"

Pants Size: 1

Shirt Size: S

Innie or Outie? innie

Love Questions

Are you in Love? Definetly Not

Are you single or taken? Of Course Im Single. What do you expect? ;)

If taken, for how long? *tear*

If taken, by whom? *tear*

Do you like guys or girls? Mhmm... Guys, YUM

What do you think about Sporty guys? *<(licks her lips secretly)>*

Smart? Uh, I'm the one that makes blondes look bad.

Dorky? Hah, only when I wanna be

Popular? AND THE DEFINITION OF THAT IS?

Your Favorites kind of Food: Hm... Manicotti

Color:PINK                                                                                

Song: jEsUs TaKe ThE wHeEl

Band: BaRlOw GiRls                                                      

Singer: Martina McBride

CD: Um... w/e mix cd I put together... DUH!

Kind of Music: HONKY TONK... hehe!!!

Place to be? BEACHES (NUDE ONES)

Vacation spot: Cancun

Day Time Talk Show: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

All Around Favorite Show: THE SIMPSONS~dope!

Drink: only doctor jalepeno knows 

Restaurant: FOOD! PANDA EXPRESS!

Number: 4 cuz its $ on the computer

Letter: J my name DUH

Word: Sh*tokie Mushrooms

Rocketing Gas Prices: OH WELL I GET RE_EMBURSED BY MY DAD NEWHO

Minimum Wage: 5.25 shouldn't be though

Drunk Driving: I've done it, but don't!

Legal Driving Age: 16

Mary-Kate and Anorexia: Again I can relate but DONT 

Lindsay Lohan (18) and her 23-year-old boyfriend: Who really gives a flying flip?

Young Marriages: I dont wanna settle down now, Im gonna have loads more fun first.

Young Parents: Its better than abortion if you are able to take care of the baby.

Pregnency without a Marriage: It happens...

Telemarketers: Uh... Im glad they dont know my number.

Pop Quizzes: like on the internet? those keep me from dying of boredom

This Survey: Something to do...

Label Your Friends!

Loudest: EBONY

Quietest: Shaina                                                                                        

Nicest: Anna

Person who doesn't think before they speak: NOT ME, NO NEVER! ;)

Outspoken: me!

Annoying:Rachel                                                                                 

Popular or has best chance of becoming popular: who really cares who's popular... Ive got more to look forward to than that.

Best Dressed: Uh... we all always look cute

Worst Dressed: Sarah

Sweetest: Anna

Giving: Anna

Selfish: RACHEL

Social Butterfly: ALL OF US

Will be crowned Most Likely to Succeed by their class: Anna

This or That

Soda/Punch- is it spiked?

Sour/Sweets-sour- unless ur the sweet 

Summer/Winter- WARM ALL THE WAY

Christmas/Thanksgiving- Christmas

Easy/Challenging- Challenging I like to work for things

Light/Dark- Dark, I love the night! WoooWooo

Sun/Moon- MOON its gorgeous

TV/Movies- Movies

Out with Friends/Out with Family : FRIENDS

Cat/Dog- DOGGIES

Penguin/Dolphin- Dolphin cuz Sharks are scared of them

Book/Magazine-Magazines they are more interesting                                        

Last Questions about the Survey

Did you like the survey? Not particularly

Would you recommend it to a friend? If they are bored

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Meth, as terrible as it is - makes the user feel good.
Not just good, but super. It gives confidence, happiness, self-assurance, pleasure and more. Everything is interesting - too interesting, hence the tweaking. Hope and joy are brought to such high levels. Anything, every action, evry activity, is just so much fun. It feels so wonderful to just be in existence. Then the sex part, another life entirely.

Within a short period, perhaps a month or two, THE ADDICT realizes how terrible life is without meth and how wonderful it is when doing meth. It doesn't take much to decide that feeling good is preferable to feeling terrible. Many of us got to the point of choosing meth over everything else, including life. The brain of the addict says, "I'd much rather die than live in the hurt and pain I feel without my speed."

The only way that will change, is when the user recognizes the meth lie, and decides for himself to quit. He won't do it for money, spouse, parents, children, lovers, fame, career, reputation, morals, values, or anything else.

Is this too harsh sounding?
I guarantee that the meth addict can agree with this message and multiply it a dozen times.

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As an observer, to consider their meth fix as the means to a temporary high, like something to do at Friday night's party, is to completely misunderstand the nature and effect of this drug. The meth high is not an entity in and of itself, like the alcohol high is. The liquor buzz can be felt forming. Inside, increasing and expanding up and out through your body until it spreads to your surroundings and the walls are bright, and you in the center of this aura, one with the buzz. Its enjoyable there, and it better be -- you can't do much of anything else BUT enjoy it, you're so incapacitated. And then it can be felt weakening, and things are less shiny, until you re-up your blood alcohol content, then it's back again and off you go. Repeat as needed.

Instead, meth is amplification. It does not move you from sober into a non-sober state; it zaps every atom of whatever state you were already in. It jacks into your mental energy and shoots it a crackling shot of juice that somehow doesn't fade like power surges are supposed to. Unlike alcohol inebriation, you've not lost capacity -- you've gained it. Whatever you could do before, now you can do it better, and enjoy it more. What interested you before now fascinates you. What used to lose your interest after doing a while can now be done indefinitely, and you won't even notice the hours speeding by. The basic becomes profound. The good, brilliant. The staid, vibrant.

Your confidence, fearlessness. Your desires, yearning. Anger, rage.

So it's not a matter of "getting high" and grooving on that high, it's a matter of recharging energy and then grooving on your life. The meth effect is not a destination, it's an acceleration. Which of course doesn't last forever, and of course leaves you with less mental energy than you began with, which means you gotta do a bit to get back to even, and in that case why not a little more to perk up a little?

Do not wonder why the user is getting high all the time. They're not. Just putting a little gas in the tank. Which is another lifestyle function we do without barely thinking about it, gassing our cars. Why, I've arrived home with a full tank and not even realized I'd stopped at the station, it's so automatic a routine. Eating is another autopilot routine. I probably couldn't remember every single thing I ate yesterday either, since I eat often and without question, deliberation or particular fascination. This from habit, because I lack energy if I don't eat, and my body gradually increases in discomfort until I do...

... the same, which can be said for an interruption in meth consumption. When it becomes an addiction, there is no question about if to do it, only when. It serves such a basic need that the question whether or not to do it arises about as often as the question whether or not to brush your teeth in the morning, or wear socks to work. Do not be surprised if theft or some other moral compromise is committed to obtain meth. The desire to feel at least OK with the world is far too fundamental a need to be deterred by the passing guilt resulting from immoral acts. Which brings me to my third point: why is it so hard to quit? What does the body and mind go through? What kind of issues does a user consider when thinking about quitting? What are his options, alternatives, and consequences?

The reason why it becomes part of a lifestyle is not the same reason it was taken in the first place. Initially, doing it was an upper. Eventually, simply not doing it, is a downer.